The Most Radical Way to Look at Christ’s Place in a Marriage

[Editor’s Note: It’s wedding season. That means you may be attending weddings, officiating weddings, or perhaps celebrating your own wedding or anniversary. But even if you’re not, David Bryant shares advice for marrieds and singles that may surprise you!]

Nearly five decades ago, on the night before my wedding, I seriously considered backing out. For a good reason, I thought.

Our ceremony was scheduled for 10 AM in the morning in a pristine forest beside a babbling brook, with a few friends in attendance.  But it rained the whole night. So under my covers listening to the rain and thunder, I wondered if this might be a sign from Heaven that we were not to wed after all.

Silly me.

Monday dawned with a brilliant sunrise, skies of blue, and springtime fresh air.  And so, the two became one after all, guaranteeing that June 9 would always be our anniversary. And I want everyone to know, especially my dear wife Robyne, that I’m more thankful than ever that I did not back out!

When people ask us what passage of Scripture best describes our journey as husband and wife, Robyne and I give them two selections:

(1) Romans 15:6, inscribed inside our wedding bands, declares our desire to be not only “one flesh” but also “one heart,” “one life,” and “one voice” as we live for our Lord Jesus Christ “to the glory of God the Father.”

(2) However, I imagine the second passage will surprise you: 1 Corinthians 7:35.

Clearly, it isn’t one of the traditional texts used for brief homilies during a marriage ceremony—such as John 2 (the wedding in Cana), Genesis 2 (the creation of Adam and Eve), 1 Corinthians 13 (the love chapter), or Ephesians 5 (Christ as husband to the Church).

Instead, we point to a verse taken from an entire chapter on marriage, but one that is never—at least almost never— used in weddings. Why is that?

Probably because the chapter records Paul’s radical appeal to Christians to seriously consider sidestepping marriage altogether, if God enables them to do so—to embrace a life of celibacy instead!

What couple would want to face such a challenge in the middle of their wedding ceremony?

In truth, the chapter seems to suggest that the pre-wedding rainstorm I experienced 47 years ago really might have been divine intervention to stop us!

But instead Robyne and I believe 1 Corinthians 7:35 is the most radical and potent single verse about marriage anywhere in the Bible!  Let me explain why.

A Quick Overview of 1 Corinthians 7

In this chapter, Paul is primarily highlighting how “the form of this world is passing away” (v. 31).  Therefore, he urges believers to keep their eyes on the prize—Christ when he returns (soon) to make the cosmos brand new.

That means, then, that all facets of normal, ordinary human existence need to be handled lightly, because as the old saying goes, “Only one life, it will soon be past; only what’s done for Christ will last.”

In other words, Paul’s end-of-the-age perspective compelled him to call all Jesus followers to give priority to undivided, undistracted devotion to Christ—in everything.

Including marriage.

Paul is candid that marriage (and by inference raising children) brings multiple distractions into our lives that naturally divert our attention from pursuing Christ wholeheartedly. However, nothing about this experience, Paul is quick to emphasize, equates with sin.

Nevertheless, there’s so much kingdom activity unfolding around us every day that the more single-minded disciples are able to be the better—totally absorbed in our engagement with who Jesus is, where he is headed, what he is doing, and how he gets exalted among the nations, and wholly undeterred in our determination to make an impact for his name and his gain.

Therefore, in 1 Corinthians 7 Paul reasons like this:

(1) If you are among those to whom God gives the spiritual gift of singleness (celibacy), then in your walk with Christ that’s the best condition to be in and to stay in.

(2) But if you don’t have the gift, and if at the same time there is someone you are longing (Paul uses the word “burning”) to unite with for the rest of your days, then it is better to marry and remove at once such an all-consuming distraction from your walk with Christ.

This brings us to verse 35, which contains the principle Robyne and I would give every couple. It summarizes the most radical way to look at Christ’s rightful place in your marriage. Here it is (in three translations):

• I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord (NIV, emphasis added).
• I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible (New Living Translation, emphasis added).
• I’m trying to be helpful and make it as easy as possible for you, not make things harder. All I want is for you to be able to develop a way of life in which you can spend plenty of time together with the Master without a lot of distractions (The Message, emphasis added).

In other words, as far as Scripture is concerned, the primary purpose and goal for every marriage—above all its other benefits and blessings—is to create a collaboration between a man and a woman that enables each to go further and deeper with Christ than they would have done standing alone.

Jesus: The Tip of the Triangle

The simplest way to illustrate Paul’s outlook is to think of a triangle with three points—two at the bottom, one at the top.  The bottom two points represent the husband and wife; the top point represents Jesus.

Thus, as a couple feeds and fuels each other’s growth in devotion to Christ, they move up the sides of the triangle toward Jesus at the top. This creates a win-win scenario!  The closer they move toward Jesus the closer they move toward each other!

Triangle image by Joe Tara Wallbuck on Pinterest

And that pictures the most radical way to look at our Lord’s place in a marriage.

Christ is the reason for the marriage.  Christ is the focus of the marriage. Christ is the direction of the marriage. Christ is the mission of the marriage. Christ is the passion of the marriage. In turn, Christ becomes the force that binds the two together as one flesh, one life, one heart, one voice.

How I Applied This to a Marriage Two Weeks Ago

This was the thrust of my homily at a wedding two weeks ago.  I’ve officiated nearly one hundred similar events, but this was the first time I ever spoke to a couple from 1 Corinthians 7:35 (giving the context like I’ve done here).

You could have heard the proverbial pin drop.  Why?

My hunch is that most of the married people there (most of them Christians) had never once before regarded the supreme Redeemer of the universe as the overriding reason of, focus of, direction of, mission of, passion of, and force of their life together.

At the end of my message, I left the new couple with these four secrets for applying verse 35:

1. SEEK—Spend a couple of minutes every day praying a prayer for your spouse that specifically asks the Father to increase his or her vision of and passion for the Lord Jesus Christ. Do this privately, for sure.  But also, when possible, do it together, even for a minute (maybe at the beginning of your day); seek this for each other with each other.
2. SPEAK—Every day spend enough time in personal prayer and in God’s word until you uncover just one special insight into who Jesus is—something so wonderful you want to share it with your mate, and then actually do it. Because, as Romans 10:17 reminds us, devotion to Christ rises to the degree we keep hearing more about the glory of Christ.
3. SHOW—Live before each other the way you think Christ would act and speak if he were there in your place. Displaying Christlikeness day in and day out will help your partner get to know him and love him more fully than ever.  Make him visible to each other.
4. SHARE—Quite simply, the more you join forces to reach outside your marriage, to share together the truth and love of Christ with others—“standing side by side for the sake of the Gospel” (Philippians 1)—the more each of you will experience increased undivided affection and fervor toward Christ, and therefore the stronger your marriage will be.

When the ceremony was over, and it was time for me to introduce “the new Mr. and Mrs. . . .” to the audience, for the first time ever I added the phrase “going forth together into a life of undivided devotion to the Lord Jesus Christ.”

And everyone applauded.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR: David Bryant

Known as a proclaimer of Christ and Messenger of Hope, David Bryant is the founder and president of Proclaim Hope!, an outreach whose goal is to serve a nationwide Christ Awakening. David is the author of many  books, including Christ Is ALL! Join in the Joyful Awakening to the Supremacy of God’s Son.  David and Robyne have been serving Christ together for over 40 years. Their most important ministry, however, remains centered on their three adult children and their spouses, and their four grandchildren.